Exhausted...

It has been quite a week for me... meetings, seminar, accident, backlogs, family, home...

Being away from the office attending meeting and seminar leads to backlogs... also, the normal routine is disrupted because the venue of the meeting is not at the office.  Route are to be planned, schedule to be adjusted... quite a challenge when it comes to making sure the kids get ready for school on time.

Then comes the accident which surprisingly had me not jumping up and down like I used to.  Somehow my emotion level has reduced tremendously.  I was basically emotionless.  No feeling at all! The accident taught me the meaning of trying to be nice is not such a good idea.  The accident taught me to be strong hearted, strong enough to do the right thing even though it is painful to the other person.  The accident taught me the meaning of being mean is sometimes needed.  It made me feel bad though but I do believe I need to learn to be selfish.

Eventhough the matter has been settled, my mind is still not at peace.  I guess it is in the state of adjustment to the newly seeded mind and thoughts.  Or maybe the surpressed emotion has come to its limit and is about to burst any minute...

To add to my low state of soul, my schoolmates, the girls I normally hang around together, who knows me inside out, accepts me as who I am, who trust and truely believe in me, are going for a 'back-to-school' road trip, visiting our old teachers back in Beseri Perlis.  For reasons that I try to understand till today, I'm not able to join.  My heart aches to join them but am not able to, due to reasons only me knows.  I have accepted that my life now is not totally the same and can never be the same as before. But sometimes it can be sad to see that your life can never be the same as before.  It's definitely not a regret but just a bit sad.  Going back to old days can make you feel good as you go back to the good old days. I don't know if that is good or bad.  I always thought it is good but some say it is not good because the bad memories also surface up.  I really don't know now...

What I know now, can't wait for my bonus letter to reach me, can't wait for my refinancing money to come, can't wait to get my dividend from my dad, cause there are so many conforting things I want to get myself... Pandora Charms, Marc Jacob handbag from USA (thank you Rozita in advance!), maybe the robotic vacumn....

Have a great weekend all!

~low Xena~
5th April 2013