The ups and down

Dah lama sangat tak menulis. Too many happened in my life. Kematian demi kematian. Paling terkesan bila sahabat geng Achik Stylo passed away in Aug. You will always be missed, Sha! :'-(

Work stress also hit me quite a bit. Had my first anxiety attack. Need to take care of my mental health for the sake of my family...

Had a nice trip to Bangkok but could have been better. Tried my best to make it run smoothly but I guess my best is not good enough. Sigh... I gave up! Next trip, I will do much less as my efforts are really not good enough and better leave it to the experts.

Hati dan perasaan nowadays are very very sensitive lately. What I can do is just pour my heart out by crying real good once or twice, then hopefully I will feel better.

Sigh, sigh, sigh...

~really, really down Xena~
29 Sep 2016

Leadership by example

This weekend I got me all to myself... a rare occacion of my me time overnight!

There is so many things planned but end up me sulking in my bedroom, watching movie after movie. It's actually nice being a couch potato ya?

Well, I was watching Princess Diary, The Royal Engagement. There is this scene where the Queen and Princess were doing the parade on Genovian's Independant Day. I noticed that in that scene, the Prime Minister of Genovia was leading the parade in his feet! In our country the rakyat do the parade and the big shots sits nicely on the stage waving the 'org bawahan'.

Another scene worth noticing was during the wedding of the princess or was it the coronation of the princess, the chior singing the national enthem of Genovia was lead by the Prime Minister.

These 2 scene made me realised that our leaders sucks big time. Leadership by example konon?

A lot can be learned from the telly actually. It's a matter of getting the right message by the right thinking...

~jibberish Xena~
23 July 2016
9:50am

Donald Trump, US Presidency????

Seriously, I could not imagine how US would be if that blonde becomes the President Of The United State.

Bini pun cilok speech current First Lady.

So good luck USA if he is the next President...

~crazy Xena~
22 July 2016
8:15pm

Welcome Back Xena

Oh my! It has been 2 years since I last wrote here. That long????

A friend commented and asked why I stopped blogging, and that she enjoys reading my writtings.  It then hit me, so I went to this site to read back what I have written.  Hmmmm not bad ya and yes, I miss writting...

Therefore, will try my very best to jot down whatever my heart feels here more often.

To my dear friend, thanks for giving me the wake up call.

~2 years older Xena~
21 July 2016
3.23pm

Happy news and sad news... all within 2 days

2 July 2014 - Xena terima berita yg tidak disangka-sangka... rezeki di bulan Ramadhan, Alhamdulillah...
Baru hari sebelum tu Xena bincang dgn suami nak increase duit raya kanak-kanak dan Xena baru je niat nak increase duit raya anak-anak sedara. Allah makbulkan doa Xena dan buka rezeki anak-anakku raya tahun ni.  Gembira tak kepalang...

4 July 2014 - berita kematian jiran di rumah lama which is also area rumah mak mertua.  Sedih sangat because she was such a positive and strong person, battling with leukemia.  Her sister is my schoolmate so I had to visit her and her family at her worst period.
Sedih melihatkan keluarga semua bersedih dgn pemergiannya. Paling ku sedih melihatkan maknya... i could not imagine to be having to bath my child on her death... we always expect anak yg akan mandikan ibunya di hari kematiannya bukan? Thinking about that made sad...
Semoga rohmu tenang si sana kak emma...
Oh ya... lagi berita kematian iaitu Datuk Syarifah Aini...

:'-(

~sad Xena~

Still a lot do do...

Smile more, no matter how bad or upset you feel...

Be happy all the time, or at least show that you are happy....

Cakap lemah lembut, jgn dalam nada tinggi.  Intonasi jaga, kang org ingat kita marah2..

Don't confront, just let it be...

Jaga perasaan org, jgn pikir diri dan hati sendiri je...

You can do it Xena, Allah is with u...

Ordinary vs extraordinary

People tend to play safe and be ordinary, be the norm.  Being extra ordinary takes effort and people are just pemalas! Lagipun they worry of what other might think or say about them.  Biasalahkan, when you like to judge people, you think people are judging you all the time.  Like other people, my life is just a normal life...

I always tell myself that when I get married, I will not be the typical married couple.  I will try not to be the typical wife who nags at everything and control my hubby like those typical wives.  We will not be the typical pair that speaks in a rough manner, suami dok tengking-tengking and cakap kasar dgn bini just because they are the husband, bini dok marah-marah suami and cakap kasar-kasar dgn suami.  I imagine we will be madly in love mcm masa bercinta hingga kita mati.  How I am so wrong and so out of perspective!

Those days when I was a teenager and I see a couple round my age now, walking in town or shopping mall with the husband walking in front and the wife at the back.  I told myself, I wont be like this.  Wrong again Xena! According to the norm, once you have been married, husband and wife dont walk side by side holding hands.  Those who still do it are abnormal and not accepted socially because in the eyes of the society that is totally wrong to do so! We also not allowed to show affection in public, only when you are dating you are allowed to do so.

Dulu I don't believe that people can fall out of love but now I am doubting that... i think people can stop being in love or at least stop showing that they love you until one day they realise it is too late, and that is the time when you die.  Masa tu regret lah kan, macam-macam nak buat kalau boleh putar waktu kan? Hmmmm typical kan? Well, that is the price for being ordinary, for being normal...

Those day I always question, kenapa mesti berubah selepas kahwin, kenapa kemesraan kena bertukar? Questioning it pun dah kena marah because it is out of the norm to question things like this. The answer to my question always lead to the fact that itu memang lumrah alam, the norm.  Memang dah ditetapkan bahawa kemesraan akan pudar (tidak seperti waktu bercinta) selepas berkahwin dan kadar pengurangan kemesraan itu berkadar terus dengan bilangan tahun berkahwin.  Lebih lama lebih kurang kemesraan itu...

I have now accepted it, boleh menerimanya... Memang pedih tapi I have to face the reality.  What I thought before, is just a dream, a dream that will never be true.  It is just a ilusion planted to me via television, movies and love novels.  How I am so stupid to believe that I will be different than the norm...

~low Xena~
28 June 2014